I have nothing to teach you on how to be religious person especially how being a muslim but I can tell my young life stories, my past experience and my obervations in my religious journey.

I was born in Malay family, in Malaysia which Islam is the national religion of the country. Despite being born in islamic community, when I have no idea about Islam, I never attend to Islamic school like my most friends did, could not able to recite Quran until I seriously learn IQRA’ at age 13. I still remember during primary school, during almost all my Islamic class, we went to school’s musolla and read Quran together. That time, I can’t read the the arabic letter even Jawi (malay languages written in arabic letter) unable to read which all my test and examination of Islamic studies fail since 99% the questions on paper written in jawi/arabic letter. The only practices all I could did back then was fasting since it didn’t require any recitation of arabic languages.

5 times prayer? It was an unkown experience to me back then since I never watch it except during certain condition where I just follow blindly in Solat Jama’ah at primary school, with my childhood friend during Ramadhan (iftar – free food 😂). The only credit is maybe reciting al-Fatihah even though I can’t read it taught by my mother since 4 years old — that’s the earliest memory I have. Until I’m aged 12 years old, I’m not a muslim at all, just a Malay with traditons.

It might be surprising for someone who know me currently and might wonder how everything could change dramatically? Well, actually is is a drama with my sudden awakenings at age 13 years old through dream. As I writing this, the memory of that dream still linger in my mind. It was supernatural journey to me and one of it is one part of that where I look up and saw a bright light like a sun but didnt hurt like sun but sooth like we saw on bright moon (but it still very bright like a sun) and speak to me with no languages but still perceived it as like sound or vibration as my body (in that dream) will react with loud sound but I can understand it tells me something but can’t put in words. After I wake up, I was like “woah”. But later I just ignore it, I was still a kid to take it seriously and just live my life as usual. But at the same time, I started learn reading IQRA’ with tok kadir (May ALLH blessed his soul) and soon able to read Quran around age 14-15 years.

One day at age 15, in Wednesday I coming to school at afternoon for co-curricular activities and stumbled upon one my teacher. He asked me if I already prayed (Dhuhr) since he was on the way to school musolla. I answered “No” – I mean I don’t even know how to pray exactly, what to recite in prayer except al-Fatihah. The my teacher asked him to follow him along. On our way to musolla, he spoke to me: “Kalau nak berjaya, kena solat” (“If want to succeed, must pray”). I went home to find a book how to pray, strangely our house do have one despite nobody pray in house. I took the book and studied it secretly and practiced secretly since for me it is unusual for house except for unsual situation such as my father pray for my mother getting possesed by certain jinn. I shared room with my brother, every sunset/maghrib I’ll pretend to take a shower to take wudhu’ and lock my room and quickly get dressed and pray (even though I pray wrongly in the beginning). And been doing this for about 2 months until my brother unlocked the door and discovered I was praying. At the time I was like: “what I’m going to tell them?”, and meet them at living room and ask why I’m hiding. Then I realized something — The dream when I was 13, this is just a beginning.

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