Ego

What is ego? Most people will relate the ego with arrogance, stubbornness or something that negative. Moreover, there is a book I read titled “ego is the enemy”, despite I don’t actually took seriously on what he write but I understand which perspectives he see in ego. But what is Ego in the first place? To be honest, in my philosophy, it is difficult to explain on something which in reality does not exist or real. Even when you could describe it, it not a facts but rather a fantasy we created as an author will write down a character in sci-fi novel. However, throughout the culture and literature I explored, there are collective perspectives I found to define what ego is but there is no end. You could write an entire novel to describe ego is since they act exactly like the same with fiction protagonist, since they were all just a concept.

As most people perceived, ego often associated with negativity but it is not always the case. There are some case Ego is ‘fine’ on certain situation such as the ego parent, the ego of commander or any kind of ego that attach with certain position. They were just want borrow the confidence from those ego. Even though it is fragile if we really think about it. Since most people could only perceived you now with help on certain images, symbols or even personality you try to describe, for example, you behave in certain ways or called yourself with certain ideology or movement something like feminist or marxist.

However, they were just made up. You made it up. Or the society made you up. The real, the true you is within you, sleeping like a bird in shell. You could say ego is like egg shell and the real you are within inside of you which who knows what creature sleeping inside of it. Is it a bird? Reptile? But whoever you are, you are going to be unique. The universe is complex, we unable to comprehend the complexity by our conscious mind. Thus, we create a certain assumptions based on our own axiomatic belief. Even science is based on assumptions and symbols of calculation which that’s why you could see those people always portrayed as quite egocentric like the tv show I watched called “The Big Bang Theory”. The ego created to protect our psyche by simplifying the complexity of this universe which is a deep abyss of our own fear on unknown. So we could tolerate the nature including people we communicate and live our life safely from fear. That’s where I realize we actually living in illusions.

In Christianity, there is celebrations called Easter Day which there is one symbolism they seldom use which is easter egg where the egg were decorated which symbolizes of rebirth. And I saw something peculiar about the tradition of decorating the egg shell because in life we did the same things with our images or personality or our ego. We decorating our names with titles, which big corporation we worked with, which university we went or even clothes to represent what you want to be perceived by societies. We even try to control our hair by putting hair gel so the hair can maintain the shape as we wanted, to be perceived as someone we want to be perceived, I naughtily try to messed their hair and end up raising their anger which it is the ego people been fighting for, to protect their images on mirror which often distorted from the real self. However, we all know how fragile the egg shell is and when it did, you know it will never be the same as before.

But we often forget of who we are. There are still creature inside that egg. The true you, and there is reasons most people fear to know the real self or could be considered as taboo for certain culture. Since you have no idea how fearful it could be by knowing the real you since you might went insane. So we rather stay in status quo with decorated egg we furnished while keep hitting with other eggs in a basket. I believe that is what the common problem with egotistical person. Or I could say, I know what problem with me in the past. I was concerned in maintaining that image and personalities I built or got from other. For examples, I never declare in relationship and rejects the ideas couple dating and rejecting girl who ever confessed to me since I took Islamic ideals onto my personality or self images. Or sometime I used to borrow confidence from Second Lieutenant Officer title from my Wataniah Regiment. As soon I finished my final exam, I quickly to find company to be a part the company brand with my ego, the employee of XXXX. However, in that same year I realized, this is not me. Who am I? – with habit doodling “Aku Bukan ..”

However, to discover of who I really are. I need to let go of my Ego which mean to let go of my identity, my job and went to solitary which is the hardest thing for human being, to become nobody in societies. Moreover, to know the real you is the scariest thing since you need to gamble with your own status quo to discover what is inside in that egg. Is it living or is it already dead? What kind of creature I am inside that egg? Nevertheless, this is journey that I destined to. At least that’s what I understand from my dreams told me to.

Who am I? My friends commented me as “complicated than women”, “different than any man I know” or my dad once said to me “I can’t understand who you are”. Because you could never accept something “different” while you still living in your own axiomatic belief and conscious(which lies in it ignorance) like people rejecting people who said the earth is not flat centuries years ago or using science to describe souls is. Except, only through your heart could feel it that these people is good or not, these people are truthful or just full with lies. Even the name “al” I went with now is just an ego I need to create in order to communicate with this world, what “al” is? Actually, it does not mean anything. It is just “The” in arabic word which to me a pun or a joke toward what people want in ego is.

Be true to who you are and then you would unlock the potential of humanity as long you act justly to who you are. But don’t need to force it to yourself or others. The egg need to be crack from within. And the journey you want to take is so dangerous.

But that what makes Islam first symbols take place a subtle role in curing the ego by admitting there is no god except ALLH, and Muhammad is the messenger. What it means is, you submitting your ego to ALLH, whoever you are, the son’s king or millionaire. You’ll become nothing except a human being who blessed with His mercy. Once you have no longer have an ego to fight for, you now could received the revelation of truth from the Messenger since you could not accept the truth unless you are free from living in illusion or (maya in our language) since truth are not always pleasant. That is the meaning of the first symbol of being a muslim. Get rid the ego is impossible, thus, submit it to ALLH.