Evil

The fight of evil have been the customary for the human being. We honored the hero because they fight evil either in fiction story or in real life. In the end, that is the mission of man always dreamed for. Be a Hero.

But have we wonder what evil is? Give your mind a thought, what makes you evil. That was the question I asked myself of how to become one. I was fortunate being enlightened at such young age, at age 15 with weird dream at age 13. It was some drastically transformation and a huge surprise for my family, during that time I was a “unique” family member and different. Being different means you unlikeable. Why? Because it challenge other status quo and people hate that. However, I still loved as a son, a student and a friends which can not be denied even from me. After I joined a certain program (more like a bootcamp to be exact). It made me wonder how about other souls who are not fortunate like the participant here which mainly background in religious school and family. But I learned and know there is another soul who share the same childhood as I am. Knowing nothing about about my own religion and oblivious with it and unable to read the holy book. But I was fortunate for given guidance and it was not for nothing. I know, I have mission need to accomplish for my existence and having a normal life is a luxury for me.

10 years. We studied our ancestor fought in the war and we called the enemies as evil one. Bad capitalist and politician we labelled them as evil. Who is the evil is? Yes, Iblis or the devil is the truest enemy for human being. But what makes devil evil. Let’s study the first crime and devilish behavior ever comitted in human history. It is the story of Abel and Cain, Habil and Qabil. The first murderer of human being and the important lesson we could learn from it. It shares the same attitude with the devil. And that is the root of evilness.

What makes evil? I don’t know.

We know the big flood is not evil even though it destroyed our homes. We know the war itself are not evil even though it kills millions of people. We know the children are not evil even though it trouble their parents. Every thing is just a tragedy for us, a vulnerable human being and it inevitable. (But it have a reason, See post)

What makes evil? I don’t know.

We suffered on inequality and racism, and that is evil. People hurt other with their words and hands from their own jealousy and that is evil. Abel was killed is an evil.

What makes evil? I don’t know.

But what I suffered on experimenting to myself. Tried to be evil in order to understand them. It was tragedy for the one who need to “handle” me, mainly toward my cadet military squad team. I used them as my observation or like a mirror for my behavior. If you asked them, trust me I was troublemaker for them especially on upper leadership. Why I choose them? Well, they can’t run away as like me. We in military environment. The other environment that could be done is marriage, your wife can not run away. But who the hell in their right mind want to suffer their wives. Nevertheless, their “sacrifices” worth for a reason.

I was evil and I am evil. But I also was good and I am good. What makes me evil is nothing else the similar behavior and attitude shared with Cain or devil itself which is my own arrogance and resentment. My arrogance makes me think I’m better that anyone. My resentment which I was not fortunate being born in religious family with zero formal education of religious study.

During the time I was discontinued my previous job and made a decision on solitary online and offline and place myself at pondok spent my youth and collect my thought together. The first hurdle is my arrogance with antidote of formal religious learning, I need to challenge my arrogance by learn and I learned Quran with very talented young boy (primary school) and learn to accept my own family despite they are not religious family I wished to have because they are part of me. Rejecting them means rejecting the own self. Now I could see beyond good and evil.